What's this then? You call it fire?

Well, I hate to disappoint you but I think it's dire.

Warms the cave, but at what cost?

'Cause if I've got to suffocate I'll risk the frost.

Never had food cooked before,

And look at what a mess it's made on my clean floor!

These are flaws you can't deny,

So if that's all that you can do you'd best not try.

 

CHORUS

Best not try, best not try,

You'll only get your fingers burned, so best not try. (x2)

 

Best not try invent the wheel,

I'm only passing on what all the neighbours feel.

When we go from place to place

It's safer if we do it at a walking pace.

No-one wants to go that fast,

Or get a muddy faceful as a car goes past.

Kiss your dreams of fame goodbye,

It's really too much trouble so you'd best not try.

 

CHORUS

Best not try, best not try,

The wheel will only break you so you'd best not try. (x2)

 

Best not try to prove earth's round,

The church says your cosmology is less than sound.

All you'll find across the seas

Is sugar and tobacco and a foul disease.

If a great new land you claim,

For Viet Nam and slavery you'll get the blame.

Leave it to some other guy,

It isn't worth the bother so you'd best not try.

 

CHORUS

Best not try, best not try,

There's weevils in the biscuits so you'd best not try. (x2)

 

Best not try to go to space,

We'll only dump our rubbish in some other place.

Tons of junk going round and round,

Or falling back to earth at twice the speed of sound.

Humans are a filthy pest

So staying on a single world is for the best.

We're not fit to sail the sky

So till we turn to angels we had best not try.

 

CHORUS

Best not try, best not try,

We're dying out in any case so best not try. (x2)

 

We must do it right first time,

To try and fail at anything would be a crime.

If the outcome is in doubt,

There's too much that could go awry so count us out.

You can stand, but if you fall,

We'll make you wish you'd never ever tried at all.

Don't ask how and don't ask why;

'Cause we have all the answers and we say "don't try."

 

CHORUS

We say "don't try," say "don't try,"

We'll judge you on your failures so you'd best not try.

Best not try, best not try,

And hindsight's 20/20 so you'd best not try.

Best not try, best not try,

It's really too much trouble so you'd best not try.

Best not try, best not try--

If that's the best that you can do you'd best not try!